Your Body Has Been Trying to Tell You Something

By Kiné Corder | Bronzecomm Hub

If you watched The Cosby Show, you remember Cliff Huxtable, brilliant obstetrician, devoted father, beloved husband….

BUT, also a man who hid hoagies, ribs, and anything else Claire banned from the house. He'd hide them in coat pockets, behind bookshelves, and inside guitar cases just to avoid the conversation about what he was putting in his body. America laughed every time and if you are honest, Cliff might remind you of someone you know. Maybe someone you see in the mirror.

Claire was not nagging Cliff, though that is the way husbands see it, she was paying attention to his health. Cliff, like a lot of men, was doing what men have been doing for generations as it relates to health, ignoring what's best. Cliff decided that his body was not as important as whatever it was he craved. So Claire, like most wives, had to make it her priority.

That pattern is common, and though it is funny on a sitcom episode, it's not in real life. I've worked with men over three decades in three different industries and I've seen this pattern so often. The man who will spend hours researching the right investment, the right restaurant for dinner, and may even go further for the food he feeds his K-9 best friend, but will postpone a routine checkup for two years because he does not have time. Or like I've heard it said, if it ain't broke don't fix it. Because nothing is seriously wrong and he feels ok most of the time, he doesn't want to know if he can be better.

He puts it off and puts it off until he doesn't feel good at all. Even still, his Claire has to force him to go to the doctor most times.

What Stress Does to the Body When You Stop Paying Attention

Part 1 and Part 2 of this series covered the two biggest sources of stress in most people's lives: money and relationships. If you read both of those posts you already know that unexamined stress does not stay in your head. It moves. It looks for somewhere to live in the body and it settles in wherever you are most vulnerable.

The connection between chronic stress and physical illness is not a theory, it has been documented in countless studies. Prolonged stress raises cortisol levels, which over time contributes to high blood pressure, weakens the immune system, disrupts sleep, and accelerates inflammation throughout the body. Inflammation is the underlying condition behind most of the diseases that are taking men too soon: heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and certain cancers.

Black men in particular carry a disproportionate burden of these conditions. The rates of hypertension among Black men are among the highest in the world. Diabetes affects Black Americans at nearly twice the rate of white Americans and stroke risk is significantly elevated.

Most of these conditions do not announce themselves; they are called silent killers because they wait to be noticed. If you don't go to the doctor to get regular check-ups, they live on unannounced. If your diet and physical routines are unhealthy then they have the fuel to grow and once they are big enough, they make themselves known. What a vitamin could have fixed will now take a synthetic medication with 2-3 other side effects.

It starts small, a little tightness in the chest now and then. Then comes the heavy breathing after climbing a flight of stairs you used to take without thinking. You tell yourself it's a part of getting older, but it's really a sign your health is declining. The weight creeps up and you notice but you figure it's ok, everyone around you is gaining weight too. You sleep but you do not rest because not only is your brain racing from the stress, but your heart is too. You wake up tired and push through the day because that is what you do when you're a man. You grin and bear it.

And then one day, it is no longer a symptom anymore, it's a diagnosis. You went from I'm good, to I'm fine, to I'll be ok, to I'm on medication. That slide is preventable, but prevention requires a conversation most men are not having.

A Conversation Worth Starting

Men can talk to each other for hours and never have a deep conversation. They can talk about the weather, politics, high school, random topics, and can even tease each other in an affectionate insult. It happens in barbershops, on basketball courts, and at cookouts. The conversations start shallow and stay shallow. Even men who care about each other may not ask the deeper questions.

It doesn't have to be serious and grave, and it doesn't have to be invasive. You can keep it light and even insulting like barbershop talk if that's easier. The next time you are with a man you care about, try one of these, whichever sounds most natural for you.

"Which one of your organs has been trying to get your attention lately?"

"Have you been listening to your lungs? Because it sounds to me like they have something to say."

"Claire must be letting you order out more these days. How are you feeling about the few pounds you put on? You good though? For real?"

That last question is the most sincere. "For real." This says you're ready to listen. Two words that signal you are stepping out of the joke and into something genuine. Most men will meet you there if you give them the opening. If you're a barber, you may already know how to do this. You have the relationship and you have the timing. Use it.

If you have a barber you may already be having these conversations in the chair. If so, remember to ask your barber about his health too. June is Men's Health Month, this is the perfect excuse to care about each other's organs as much as their favorite sports team. Be open to the health conversation, at least for this month. However, talking about it isn't enough, also be open to taking the next steps. Go to see your doctor or find a new doctor.

If you are a woman reading this, you know exactly who needs to see it. Send it to him. Not with a note that says I told you so. Just send it and let him read my words. Teamwork makes the dream work. (We care about you, men.)

Where You Go From Here

This is the final post in this series and it closes on the same note it opened on three weeks ago, the 3As, Awareness, Acceptance, and Adjustment, are the framework for what comes next. If you start having the conversations, the Awareness will reveal itself. The month of June can bring Acceptance that it's time to book and go to that doctor appointment. Once you get the word from your healthcare provider on actions you can take, go ahead and make the Adjustment needed.

Men's Health Awareness Month starts in three days. It is a good time to book the appointment you have been putting off. It is a good time to have the conversation you have been avoiding. It is a good time to decide that the man in the mirror should pay the same level of attention to his health as the woman in his life does.

Your body has been patient, but it's time.