Your Brain Has Been Trying to Tell You Something

Part 1 of 3

Stress is the most common mental health condition in the world and nobody is calling it that. We call it being busy. We call it having a lot on our plate. We call it just the way life is. But when your shoulders will not come down from your ears, when your stomach is in knots before you even get out of bed, when you snap at the people you love over something small, that is not just life. That is your brain sending you a signal.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and most of what you will read this month will talk about depression, anxiety, or the more chronic conditions like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Those conversations are important. But chronic mental illness like those only represent about one percent of the population. The rest of us are walking around with something that does not have a name on a pamphlet but is affecting our health, our relationships, and our finances every single day.

This is Part 1 of a three part series on the top stressors in most people's lives. Mainly because until you understand what is driving you to stress out, you cannot begin to address it. First, let’s address how money stress affects your mental health. Not budgets, investment strategies, or retirement accounts. We are talking about the emotional relationship you have with money, why that relationship may be your biggest source of mental illness, and more importantly how to start becoming mentally well.

Mental Illness Is Not What You Think It Is

When most people hear the words mental illness they picture something chronic and persistent. Something that requires medication and specialists and a diagnosis that follows you around for the rest of your life. And for some people that is true. But mental illness exists on a spectrum and most of us are somewhere on it without realizing it. In fact, many people who have been diagnosed with more serious conditions are actually experiencing trauma responses or prolonged stress reactions, not psychotic breaks. 

The mental health conversation has been so narrowly defined that millions of people who are genuinely suffering do not see themselves in it. They do not raise their hand to receive mental health tools and resources because they do not think they qualify. To them mental illness means you are crazy, not that you are stressed. So again, unless you are what they see as crazy, you don’t qualify for mental health tools.

You qualify if stress is running your life. You qualify if your mental health is suffering because you are overwhelmed with bills and financial decisions. If money is driving your stress, which research consistently shows it is for most Americans, then your relationship with money is a mental health issue worth examining.

When You Think About Money, What Do You Feel?

Most people do not think of money as an emotional subject. They think of it as a math problem. But watch what happens when you sit with these questions for a moment.

When it comes to earning money, do you ever feel like you do not deserve more than you have? Have you ever wanted to ask for a raise or raise your prices but talked yourself out of it before you even tried? That hesitation is common. It is a Fear-Based emotion telling you that asking is too risky, that rejection would confirm something you already believe about yourself.

When it comes to growing your money, do you feel overwhelmed by investing or confused about where to even start? Maybe you took a risk once and it did not work out and the shame of that experience has kept you on the sidelines ever since. Growing money requires a level of trust in yourself and in the process that is hard to access when you are operating from fear or inadequacy.

Protecting your money brings its own set of emotions. Health insurance, life insurance, taxes, finding the right advisor. If you were raised by someone who told you not to trust banks or not to let people into your financial business, every one of those decisions carries emotional weight. And taxes deserve their own conversation. Wealthy business owners who earn a hundred times more than the average person can end up paying less in taxes because they have the right guidance and the right systems. When you become aware of that reality it does not just frustrate you, it shakes your faith in the entire financial system. That kind of disillusionment is exhausting to carry.

Gifting is where many people feel the most complicated emotions. You were raised to believe it is better to give than to receive and you took that seriously. You are generous. You are the person people call. But generosity without boundaries is depletion and depletion leads to resentment even when you would never say that out loud. For those who have built a nest egg or are living on a fixed income, the pressure to be the family resource can push you into giving more than your fair share while falling behind on your own needs. That tension between giving away what you have built for yourself and what others need from you, is one of the loneliest places a person can stand.

Then there is enjoying money, which should be the reward for all of the earning, growing, protecting, and giving. But if you spent your whole life being told that saving was responsible and spending was reckless, enjoyment can feel sinful. For others, the pendulum swings the other way and a windfall becomes an empty vault faster than expected. Either way the result is the same, stress. With that stress comes isolation because the last thing you want is for anyone to see you struggling after working this hard.

It Is Connected to Everything

All of this is what I call Money Emotions. They show up in your body as tension headaches and a stomach that never fully settles. They show up in your relationships as short tempers and defensive conversations about things that have nothing to do with money on the surface. They show up in your sleep, your appetite, and your ability to be present with the people you love.

Your Money Mentality, which is the subconscious blueprint you developed around money before you ever earned your first dollar, determines what Money Emotions you feel. Those emotions determine what actions you take. Those actions determine how you navigate what I call the Money Cycle, which is how you earn, grow, protect, gift, and enjoy your money. And when that cycle is being driven by unexamined emotions it becomes a stress cycle. One that most people have been running on for decades without knowing there was another option.

It is not your fault. But it is your responsibility to examine it.

Where You Start

This month your only job is Awareness. That is the first of three steps in a process I call Control the Controllable. The 3As are Awareness, Acceptance, and Adjustment. You do not have to fix anything today. You do not have to change anything today. You just have to start noticing.

Start by asking yourself which part of the Money Cycle creates the most stress for you. Is it earning, growing, protecting, gifting, or enjoying? Then notice what emotion shows up when you think about it. Notice what you usually do with that emotion. That action, whatever it is, is your pattern. And that pattern has probably been running since you were in your twenties.

Once you have Awareness you can decide what you are willing to accept as it is and what you are ready to begin adjusting. That is where real change starts. Not in a spreadsheet. In the subconscious.

One of the fastest ways to build that Awareness is to identify your dominant Money Mentality type. I created the Money Mentality Quiz for exactly this reason. It is free, it takes just a few minutes, and you do not even need to enter your email address to get your results. Take it at kinecorder.com/money-quiz and use what you learn as your starting point this Mental Health Awareness Month.

Your brain has been trying to tell you something about your money stress. It is time to listen.