The Art of Starting Over Part 5: The Man Who Almost Lost it All

He never understood what people meant when they said they were healing. But now that he’s had his heart broken, he gets it. Healing is a process of facing what you’d rather forget and choosing to move forward when you’d rather stay asleep.

You may remember his wife from last week's blog. Daphne was the woman who built a perfect life, first in her small-town youth and later online, by performing a version of herself she created accidentally. She built her marriage, family, and even her career on that performance until a DNA test exposed a painful truth: The man she called her husband wasn’t her daughter’s biological father.

The news broke Eric in a way he didn’t think was possible. His daughter stopped speaking to him because she was so confused. He was supposed to protect her, but didn’t know how to help her face this life changing experience. He was shattered too. The life he thought he built on love turned out to be built on a story he didn’t know he was part of.

He was losing sleep like she was, but only sometimes. Most of the time he was sleeping too much. Not because he was lazy, but because thinking hurt. It was easier to stay asleep than to face what was happening.

Eric was the kind of man who believed in doing things right. He worked hard, stayed loyal, and built a life that felt safe. A good job, a home, a family, and a dog. That was enough for him. He never asked for attention or applause, but somehow, he ended up married to a woman who loved both. He would do anything for her. Even interview for a new position at work, even though he didn’t really want it.

“He’s too nice,” that’s what his manager told the CMO. So they didn’t give him the promotion. He wanted to make more money, and the only way was to get commission. He liked his job in research and development, but his wife wanted more out of life, so he needed to make more money. She was making money online, but her desires kept getting bigger and bigger.

He never really wanted much out of life, just a job, a wife, a child, a four-bedroom house, and a dog. He had all of that now, so he was happy. He didn’t really think about traveling, but their vacations were an added bonus to his already perfect life. He didn’t care about impressing others or comparing himself. It just never occurred to him.

His social media accounts were mainly to keep up with family and friends and a few current events. Posting every day or even scrolling wasn’t his thing—that was his wife’s thing. He’d do it for her from time to time because he’d do anything for her.

She was so beautiful, so talented, so outgoing. She could have been with any man, but she chose him. It was back in college. One day she called him and asked him to come over and bring a bottle of wine. He didn’t even know she liked him. She’d say no whenever he’d ask her out. When she called, he was confused. Was this their first date? He pictured something more thought out, but he wasn’t going to overthink it. He went over as fast as he could.

The next morning, he floated home. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He slept with the woman of his dreams, and it was easier than he thought. She wanted him, at least that’s what he believed. He woke up next to Daphne, looked at her, and said to himself, “One day she will be my wife if I keep this luck.”

Was he lucky? Maybe in a weird way. Daphne was pregnant, and she chose him as the father because she didn’t really know who it was. Just a few days before sleeping with him, she had been with another man she couldn’t get off her mind. A man she knew wasn’t good for her, but he reminded her of the men in her family.

Eric didn’t know what to do. He wanted to be a dad, but not in this order. They hadn’t even dated. He was confused, but he knew he loved her. He wasn’t going to abandon her or pretend it didn’t happen. Was this the luck he needed to make her his wife?

Fast forward almost twenty years and his dream was shattered. He left her the house, she picked it out after all. He wasn’t sure she could afford it on her own, but that was her problem now. The dog was coming with him, and the daughter he thought he had was so confused she didn’t want to talk to him.

He was a shell of a man. Couldn’t focus on work. Couldn’t focus on anything. After months of feeling sorry for himself, he decided to come see me for sleep hypnotherapy.

Daphne had referred him to me. He hated her at this point, and the heartbreak was so overwhelming that he would do anything to get over it, including take her advice. Some days he couldn’t sleep at all; other days, he couldn’t seem to wake up. His brain was always spinning, and the only thing it wanted to think about was his problems.

But the hypnotherapy worked. Six months of consistent effort, and he got his brain back. His life was about to get even better…because it was real.

He lived in an apartment now, instead of a house, but he felt at home. He’d given the dog back to Daphne. Having a backyard is better for a dog. His daughter was back in his life, too. She decided he was the father she knew, and that was most important. She realized he really didn’t know about the lie. She felt bad for him. So they were healing together.

He had a girlfriend, too. They were taking it slow. She was divorced, like him, but different from him. Much different from his ex-wife. She was happy for no reason. Grounded. Honest. She didn’t need to be perfect, yet she was still confident. He was learning from her, but he also had something he could teach her. She was always ready to learn something new from him.

He started a blog because he didn’t want to be on camera, it was his creative outlet. It was one of his therapy assignments. He realized he had a unique background. He grew up on a farm. These days people like this topic, although he was teased about it in college. The blog was a place to share what he’d learned growing up without giving too much of himself away. He didn’t want to be in the limelight. The blog wasn’t for that. It was teaching and sharing, not for pretending or for attention.

That promotion at work finally came through after almost two years. He wasn’t sure he wanted it at this point, but he decided to try. Turns out hypnotherapy didn’t just help him sleep, it gave him confidence. He was still “too nice,” but now he was also confident. He’s not trying to be the top salesperson, but who knows what can happen.

Sometimes life has to strip away what’s fake to show you what’s real. When you almost lose it all, you see what actually matters. Call it bad luck if you want, but maybe it’s the kind of luck that saves you. It shakes you but then leaves you more steady than before and ready for what's next.

Sleep Better, Live Better

Maybe you’re like Eric. Maybe you’re not sleeping enough some days and oversleep others. Either way, you just don’t feel like yourself right now. Don’t worry about getting hypnotherapy, that thought could keep you up at night. Start simple. 

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