The Art of Starting Over Part 4: The Lie, the Truth, and the In Between

She pretended she was satisfied, in the back of his mind he always felt like there was something he didn't know about her. She was always good at pretending. Everyone said she’d grow up to be an actress. In her small suburban town, she was everything; head cheerleader, prom queen, the girl with the perfect smile and the life everyone admired.

She had beauty, brains, and talent. She still does, she just uses it differently now. Social media became her stage. She couldn’t pursue her acting dream, but online she could still be the star. He treated her like she was a star. He pampered her, made life easier for her, but never really felt like he was making her happy. What else could he do, that was his everyday thought. It was stressful and it made him feel lonely.

Nobody knew her like he did, yet he felt like he didn't really know her. The smile, the material things, even the name, all part of the performance. Technically, it was her middle name, but the personality was still made up. She became Daphne. She created Daphne in the 80s, and over the years, she perfected the role. At 8 years old she was already bold and confident on the outside and longing for acceptance on the inside.

Her full name is Charlotte Daphne Lane. Charlotte was her grandmother’s name, it didn’t fit her, so Daphne took center stage. By nineteen, she was every girl’s envy and every guy’s dream. She took that persona to college, and though she only stayed two years, she made an impression everywhere she went.

Two years wasn’t enough to get a job that paid well, but it was enough to teach her how to market herself. And online, that talent paid off.

Now, more than 100,000 people know her name. They pay her to make videos because she looks perfect. She’s the woman with the beautiful home, the dream family, and the flawless life. But it was mostly fake, a lie she forgot she was telling. It felt real most of the time, especially after a bottle of wine.

When the Lie Unraveled

Most of her life was pretend, but there was one part of her life that was simply put, a big fat lie. The story started in her second year of college. That summer changed everything. It was time to wrap up the fun and get back to school. Her camp counselor job ended, and she was ready to see the guy she secretly fell in love with. Even though she hadn’t communicated with him much, she still thought about him.

But she was distracted most of the summer. Her breasts hurt so badly she thought it was cancer, but she was too nervous to tell anyone. It wasn’t. After all her checkups, she got news from her doctor, it was a pregnancy.

At nineteen, how could she know that?

Right before school ended, she decided she’d give herself to someone who’d been kind to her. She had given herself to a guy that didn't care about her for the last 2 months and she just wanted to feel wanted. Truly wanted. This guy wanted her, so she called him.

“Come over and bring a bottle of wine,” she told him when the guy she really wanted chose another girl over her. He did, of course come over, and a bottle of wine later, she felt the attraction she’d been searching for. She just wanted to feel safe in somebody’s arms. 

He was safe. He felt lucky to hold her. That should’ve been enough. But it wasn’t. It actually turned her off back then. Still, she pretended. She always knew how to act the part. And again, nothing a bottle of wine couldn't solve.

When she realized she was pregnant, she didn’t know who the father was. Was it the guy she loved, or the safe guy. So she lied, to herself first. She told herself it was the safe guy. It had to be. God wouldn't let her get pregnant by the mean guy, right? Right! So she told him. Not to be cruel, but because she trusted him. He was responsible, dependable, and kind. The one who’d always show up. The one who wouldn’t abandon her when she broke the news.

That was enough for her. She was accepted and she was safe.

She didn’t mean to live a lie, it just became her life. She swallowed the truth. And never spoke of it again. She never digested it. It just set in her stomach, eventually creating pain that she couldn't explain. Secrets have a way of doing that. The pain in her stomach distracted her. How could she know that fear and guilt could become physical. They built a family, a home, and an image around what she wanted to be the truth. And for a while, it worked. Until technology revealed the real story.

A history project and DNA test changed everything. The man she chose wasn’t her daughter’s father. After discovering this, he left her. The daughter was furious that she had to find out by accident. Her followers watched the drama unfold. Her perfect world collapsed. It all went way. No followers, no husband, no daughter, and no acceptance. She was heartbroken and embarrassed. 

Facing the Truth

Now, with her 40th birthday just two weeks away, Daphne was losing everything, her sleep, her hair, and her peace. Not to mention the world was shut down and social media at the time was her only outlet. In one of our virtual sessions, she told me she’d rather die of COVID-19 than live with the humiliation. 

But she didn’t die. She didn't even get COVID at all. She lived and she made it through the pain.

It took a few years, but she started over. Deleting her original social media account was the beginning. She started a fresh one. Today she has fifteen thousand followers that know her, not fans of her fantasy but supporters of her truth. Her husband didn’t come back, but that’s okay. He found love again, and she found herself.

She and her daughter are still healing, learning how to rebuild what was broken by years of pretending. And when Daphne found the biological father, the one she was secretly in love with who always chose another girl over her, she found out he was a rich, successful businessman. She thought it would finally make sense, that she’d find the missing piece. She'd live the fairy tale. 

But life doesn’t work like that. He didn’t want to be part of the lie or the true story. He was a self-proclaimed bachelor for life. In just a few months, she realized she was one of the many people he’d hurt on his way to the top. She still wants to know him, but talks herself out of it. Maybe because she craves the connection, or maybe because she still loves the idea of being important to someone she thinks is important.

Either way, she’s learning that pretending doesn’t protect you, it only postpones the pain. So she’s using hypnotherapy and working on taking control of her emotions by letting go. Creating a policy for her life that puts her first and reminds everyone around her that she’s proud to be where she is, wherever that may be. Her stomach is healing, it still bothers her sometimes, but she doesn't have the stress she used to and her body is starting to relax.

Learning to Rest in Reality

Daphne’s not perfect. She’s still healing. Still figuring out who she is without the mask. But she’s finally okay with being real.

She’s sleeping better, smiling for herself, not for the camera. She’s done pretending, and that’s what peace feels like.

If you’re losing sleep, maybe it’s time to stop pretending everything’s okay and start creating the peace you deserve. In my research I've found three categories that keep us up at night. Money, relationships, and health, think about it. Which one is keeping you up at night?

If you are sleeping well you probably have good health, stable wealth, and the right amount of human connection. If you don't, the UNMET DESIRE for those things is what's really keeping you up at night. That unmet desire is causing your brain and body to feel stressed, that stress tells your brain you're not safe. If your brain doesn't feel safe, it won't fall asleep. Not only that, but it will eventually cause physical illness in your body. You may already be feeling it.   

Do you want to consistently fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up at the right time feeling refreshed? You can begin tonight, with my sleep tool. It's free and it does exactly that, helps you fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up refreshed, like Daphne does these days.

I’ve helped more than 6,000 people regain peaceful sleep, and my goal is to help 10,000. Will you be one of them?

It’s free, easy, and might be the first real step toward the life you want as you step away from the stress. Click here to access the free sleep tool now.