Art of Starting Over: The One Thing You Bring With You Everywhere

Whether you're starting over because you were forced to or because you just wanted a fresh perspective, you are the constant in your starting over journey. YOU, has to also start over. 

That means all the things you don't enjoy about yourself are up for a shift if you are up to it. You can’t just change jobs, homes, spouses, or habits. You have to change what’s created the life you have. Here’s what I mean.

What good is it to change your environment if you're not going to change your thinking? If you don't change your thinking, then your new environment will end up becoming the same place you left.

When you start over, you have a chance to become who you dream of being, but you also have the option of staying the same. This is where your relationship with yourself becomes crucial.

If you haven't talked to yourself in a while, you're going to have to start again, or start now if you've never done it before. I'm not talking about the corny mirror work they tell you to do on Instagram, when you stare at yourself and say positive affirmations. If you've been doing it and it's working for you, keep going. However, if you are looking for something super simple that you don't need a mirror for, I have some ideas.

But first, let me ask you a few questions.

Have you been proud of the decisions you've made over your life? If not, this could be slowing you down from starting over. Maybe you think you'll make another mistake. Maybe you think it won't matter because it's not going to get better.

Whatever you are thinking about yourself, you can start that over now too. As well as what others are thinking about you. Each day, you have the ability to create a new reputation, if your old one isn’t favorable. The place you are in right now is exactly where you are supposed to be, even if it feels uncomfortable. You can make the adjustments that bring you comfort. 

The brain likes familiarity so be careful, when you are trying to find comfort. Don’t be tempted to go back to being who you were that had you feeling empty, try something new. Then do it over and over again until it feels comfortable. Until it becomes part of you and through it you create a new reputation. 

Create a new way of thinking of yourself. 

One exercise you can do to feel grateful for all your experiences is simple. Just say thank you the very moment you realize you're awake. You can be talking to yourself or to your higher power, which is the same thing, but either way, just say thank you until you feel the feeling of gratitude. 

This is intentionally simple so you will do it. Without a lot of work, this will help you get to the place where you accept yourself, even when you make mistakes. You'll say thank you for trying. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for getting this far and forgive yourself for not having all the answers. Nobody does.

Another simple exercise you can use is to visualize the version of yourself that you'd like to be friends with. See yourself being fun, kind, thoughtful, forgiving, or whatever words you use to describe your favorite friend. You don't need a mirror for this. You need your inner vision.

And here’s why this matters more than most people realize.

Research shows that the average person has thousands of thoughts a day, and a large percentage of those thoughts are repetitive. That means if you have been thinking the same things about yourself for years, you are likely reinforcing the same identity over and over again without realizing it.

So when you change locations but keep the same thoughts, you recreate the same life. That’s why you can move to a new city, get a new job, meet new people, and still feel the same.

Because you brought you with you. The old you!

There are plenty of examples of this in real life, you aren’t alone. People who “start over” publicly but privately are still dealing with the same internal patterns. On the other hand, there are people who completely change their lives by changing how they see themselves.

Think about Dale Carnegie. Before he ever taught people how to communicate or build relationships, he struggled with it himself. He has written about being critical, reactive, and difficult in his early years. It wasn’t that his environment was the problem. It was the way he was showing up in it. Once he started paying attention to his own behavior and thinking, everything around him began to change. Not overnight, but noticeably.

Or think about someone you know, or maybe even yourself at a different time. The version of you that kept saying yes when you meant no. The version of you that avoided hard conversations and then felt the consequences later. The version of you that blamed the job, the relationship, or the situation, only to realize later that the same patterns followed you into the next one.

That’s the part people don’t always want to deal with.

Starting over is not just about where you go. It’s about who you allow yourself to be when you get there. Because that’s who’s going to show up and introduce you to your new life.

It shows up in how you talk to yourself when something doesn’t go your way. It shows up in whether you give yourself another chance or shut yourself down. It shows up in whether you see yourself as someone who is figuring it out or someone who is failing.

Figuring it out, isn’t failing!

You can meet new people, build new relationships, and create a new environment, but if you don’t trust yourself, it will be hard to trust anything or anyone else.

And if you don’t like yourself, it will be hard to enjoy anything you build.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is progress.

To know yourself well enough to recognize when you’re slipping back into old patterns. To trust yourself enough to make decisions, even when you don’t have all the answers. To like yourself enough to spend time alone without feeling empty.

Because starting over will require moments of solitude, remember we talked about that in last week’s blog post.

And in those moments of solitude, the only person you are guaranteed to have there, is you. So you need to get along with yourself. The better your relationship with yourself becomes, the easier everything else in your life will feel.

Not perfect. Not easy. But authentic.

And when you are authentic you feel aligned with yourself, starting over doesn’t feel like starting from scratch.

It feels like starting from experience and starting from vision.