Part 1: What’s Weighing You Down (All Day Long)

You already know sleep matters. You’ve read the articles, tried the teas, maybe even bought that sound machine I mentioned in the What’s Keeping You Up at Night? series.

And maybe it helped you sleep better, but what are you doing about the stress you feel throughout the day? It likely all snaps back into your brain the moment you awaken. You can’t out-sleep the stress of holding everything together.

You’ve got a lot on your plate, always have. You handle what needs handling. You show up, you take care of people, and you keep it moving.

But if you’re being honest, you’ve noticed the tired feels different these days.

It’s not just about sleep. It’s the kind of tired that’s in your bones, the kind that lingers even after a nap or a quiet moment. You might still get up and go to work, cook the meal, plan the graduation party, or check in on your people…but deep down, something’s heavy.

And while you’re doing all those things, your mind is busy. Thinking. Replaying. Worrying. About what you said. About what you didn’t. About what’s coming next.

You’re not the type to sit around and complain. Most days, you probably don’t say much at all. But inside? The weight is real.

In our last series, we talked about what’s keeping you up at night. Now, we’re turning the light on what’s weighing you down all day long, the mental load, the emotional weight, and the quiet stress that doesn’t take a break just because you do.

This series is more about acknowledging what you carry or juggle, so that you can acknowledge what you need, mentally and emotionally.

After sitting with clients and studying these patterns for over a decade, I’ve noticed five core stressors that not only keep people up at night…they weigh them down all day long.

1. Staying healthy or giving up on health
   From hormonal shifts and high blood pressure to stomach issues and random aches, our bodies often speak before our mouths do. But for many Black people, we’ve been taught to “push through” pain. To stay strong. To get it all done. Women will often eventually find the time for health. Men on the other hand, unless they have a woman pushing them, can give up on health.

Our “grin and bear it” programming shows up in our bodies as tightness, fatigue, or brain fog, but we don’t stop until we crash. And by then, it’s a crisis. Last week we discussed how sleep deprivation affects your health, but we also have to think about how your health may be affecting your sleep. 

We’ll take this discussion further in part 2 of this series, so stay tuned. Your body shouldn’t have to scream to get your attention. That’s why we will address how to listen more closely and take action sooner.

2. Money pressure, even when you’re not broke
   Whether you’re making ends meet or making six figures, money still weighs heavy. Because it’s never just about dollars. It’s about stability, pride, and legacy. But it’s also about all the family members around you who don’t have enough.

You feel money guilt and sometimes a little shame. Your hard work paid off, but what about those who didn’t play their cards right? They come knocking, and even when you’ve spread your finances as thin as you can, you still find ways to give more than your fair share.

It’s about feeling responsible for helping everybody; kids, grandkids, parents, community, and still wondering if it’ll ever be enough. These are just some of the money stressors that weigh you down. We will explore more of them, talk about why they exist, and even give some ways to address them.

3. Parenting stress, even when they’re grown
   Love and worry seem to be tied together when it comes to parenting. Even when they are adults and we are done raising them, that doesn’t mean we stop worrying about them. Whether your children are in diapers or running their own households, there’s always a voice in your head asking…

Is there anything else I can do? Are they okay?

Even if they’re thriving, that undercurrent of concern lingers. And if they’re struggling? The weight is even heavier. You blame yourself, you blame them for not listening to you, and you blame society for overwriting the values you tried to instill.

You want more for them. They want more too. But the way things are going, and in this economy… you’re just not sure if things will improve.

4. Loneliness, even in a full house
   At your age, you have many relationships to juggle; family, friends, children, church members, and even old colleagues. People are starting to pass away, and even if you’re still partnered, you can feel unseen. Maybe you should have left years ago, or maybe there was someone else you should have said yes to. Either way, you wonder if the emptiness is fillable.

The loneliness keeps you busy, because when you sit down and think about all you’ve lost, it’s stressful. However, you can be busy and still feel disconnected. That’s why people keep asking you if you’re okay. They see it in your shoulders. Even if it doesn’t show in the mirror, the sighs let you know it’s there.

And when there’s conflict in relationships, you sometimes wish you had more time by yourself. Fights about; money, parenting, where to go on this year’s vacation, or even just communication styles in general, it all seems like too much. Because it’s been happening for too long, and many of us were taught not to rock the boat… so you don’t.

But quiet resentment is still resentment. It chips away at joy, slowly, silently, but surely. This is one of the most important topics we will discuss, because loneliness is the number one emotion I deal with in my therapy practice. Most people don’t know that’s why they are coming, but that’s where we end up.

5. Regret that whispers you should’ve done it all differently
   Regret doesn’t just say “you messed up.” It says you should’ve been someone else entirely. Some days, you kind of agree. You can think of a thousand different things you could have changed, like the relationship I mentioned earlier.

Regrets can feel like a deep, spiritual weight, one that robs you of peace in the present. But let me help you out with one thing. Most of the time, that voice of regret isn’t even yours. It’s your mother’s disappointment. That teacher who underestimated you. That kid on the playground that teased you because he had low self-esteem himself.

Maybe you regret choosing surviving over thriving, but what if it’s not too late to do something great? We’ll get to that conversation, so be sure that you’re subscribed to the newsletter so that you get each one of these blogs. Also, be sure to share this blog with a friend and tell them why they should subscribe to the newsletter and what you love about it.

You’ve made it through every hard thing that’s tried to break you. You are wiser. You are stronger. And yes, you are a lot of other things too.

We will get to all that you are, but let’s pause here.

I wanted to share an overview with you, but my plan is to go deeper on each subject so you understand the problem that is causing you stress. Also, so you know why the problem is a problem and what you might be doing to solve it that isn’t working, or actually making it worse.

These are the invisible weights we carry all day long. They don’t disappear when the sun sets. They follow us into our beds, our dreams, and our bodies. In the coming blogs, I’ll break each of these down with more care, tools, and language to help you name what you’re feeling, and finally feel like you have options.

But for now, just ask yourself…which one of these stressors feels most familiar? And more importantly, what would life feel like without it?

That’s what we are moving toward. Not just deeper sleep, but a lighter day.