The Art of Starting Over Part 1 - When Life Takes a Scary Shift

Do you like haunted houses? I do. I think the thrill comes from anticipation. You know something scary is about to happen, you brace yourself, you scream, and then you remember it is not real.

But in life, fear does not end when the lights come up. Real-life situations can leave you holding your breath for weeks, months, or even years.

I have been scared lately. I have shared some of my fears with you, but if you don’t mind, I would like to continue. Writing this blog feels like having someone to keep me company on the journey.

Twenty-five years ago, I worked as a natural hair stylist. Eventually, I got bored and shifted careers, becoming a therapist. Ironically, I felt more like a therapist back then, behind the salon chair, than I do now. Clients came looking for me in those days, no marketing needed. Now, most of my energy goes into chasing clients instead of serving them.

That realization has led me to redesign my own plan. I do not think I will ever truly retire if I continue as a therapist. So my new vision is to open a wellness center, a place that offers stress management services alongside beauty and self-care. Eventually I will sell it and that will fund my retirement. I will share updates as I take steps.

In fact, I leave for France next week to do some training on running a wellness center. It adds another layer of fear to take a class in French when I am still a beginner, but I have some translation tools, so pray for me. I am laughing, but I am also serious.

I wrote a book called The Art of Starting Over, and back then I did not realize that I would be starting over again. Nor did I realize I would hear so many stories from others who have had to start over too. I will share some of those stories as well. One that comes to mind makes my situation look simple, because the life she planned for decades took a terrifying turn. It was heartbreaking, but she felt the fear and the pain and shifted anyway.

Charlene’s Story

She had spent years building a life with her husband, children, and grandchildren in Malibu. Together, they had created a successful business and a dream of retiring comfortably by the ocean. But after fifteen years of marriage, her husband decided he no longer wanted the business or the life they had built.

After a single seven-day trip to the Caribbean, he came home with a decision that rewrote their life. If he had been thinking about it for years, he never said. To Charlene it arrived in one breath. He would go back in two weeks and he would not be returning. He planned to host tours, helping others move or at least travel there, and he had already arranged a partnership with a local. The setup felt familiar, because the “local partner” was a young woman he had just met, the same woman who would become his significant other once the divorce he requested was final. He would be starting over, but repeating the same life. Only this time he would have a new business partner-wife. 

This left Charlene heartbroken and speechless. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She was embarrassed, blindsided, and confused. She chose to begin again.

Her first step was bold. She decided she would also move abroad. But before she could do that, she needed to prepare. She went there on a 90-day visa to study the language of her new country, and within three months she was halfway fluent. Then she began the practical work of rebuilding.

Over the next nine months, she sold their primary home in Malibu, bought a smaller house, made updates to her rental property, and found tenants for both. The income she generated was not extravagant, but it gave her stability and a plan to cover the mortgages with a little left over. Each move was painful, but it was also purposeful.

Meanwhile, her ex-husband was sitting on a beach with his new partner, enjoying his start over life. Charlene did not allow that image to stop her. She stayed focused on her next chapter. She was not completely alone, either. An old high school friend who was always deeply in love with her was watching her for years on Facebook. He messaged her to welcome her, as he was now living in the same city she had moved to. They were not a perfect match, but he offered safety and support at a time when she needed it most.

The divorce was not easy. Her husband did not contest it, but he did not make it simple. Still, she pressed forward. She had learned that the life she imagined was gone, but a new one was still possible. Step by step, she found her footing in a new country, with a new language, and a new sense of who she could be.

This is just the beginning of Charlene’s story.

I will tell you more about Charlene’s story and what happened after the dust settled next week. I’ll also share how my first week in France is going. You can follow me on TikTok and YouTube, where I will be going live to show the behind-the-scenes of my program, my meetings with consultants, and even the scary moments where I may have to close my eyes and push through.

Thank you for being here with me. You might be going through what Charlene experienced, a sad and scary moment that forced you to start over. It may even be keeping you up at night. If that is the case, here is a link to get my free Sleep Trio. I am still a therapist for now, and one of my free resources is this Sleep Series that helps you fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up full of purpose and meaning. 

Here is the link if that is something you need.

If you want to reply to this email with your story, we are here with you. You are not alone. We understand that life does not always go according to plan, that’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility to keep going into your next chapter. A setback doesn’t mean you are finished. It may simply mean you are being asked to begin again (and again) like me and Charlene.