Part 4 - When Oprah Asked Me Why, This Was My Answer

If you lived in Chicago in the 80s, 90s, or early 2000s, you probably considered being an audience member at The Oprah Winfrey Show. My grandmother used to call and get a busy signal. She could never seem to get tickets.

Until one day.

After I was selected as the spokesperson for the ABC show Extreme Makeover, The Oprah Show became one of our stops on the publicity junket. I was able to invite friends and family to be in the audience, and my grandma was the first person I thought of.

She was one of my biggest fans and always said Oprah was copying me. That’s a whole other story I’ll have to tell you another time. But to simplify it, my grandmother was good at helping me believe in myself. Which is why I was able to tell Oprah this next piece of wisdom.

When Oprah asked me, “Why? Why would you have cosmetic surgery?” I gave her an answer she wasn’t expecting. It’s the same answer I’ve given to many others since, and you may want to borrow this Crash Course in Wisdom, something I technically learned in high school and still use to this day.

Last week, I shared what happened when I was asked whether I’d end up like Michael Jackson after my appearance on Extreme Makeover. It was a moment that could’ve made me shrink, but instead, it reminded me how powerful it is to be proud of yourself when the world expects you to apologize for your choices.

As I mentioned, after the show aired, I was invited to appear on all kinds of TV programs and in print media. One of those invitations came from The Oprah Winfrey Show.

By then, I had become the face of the show. The spokesperson for what was, at the time, one of the most talked-about programs on television. Millions of people watched it. Millions more had an opinion about it. I had no idea what to expect as I smiled and walked into that studio.

At some point during our conversation, Oprah asked a question I had heard before. But this time, it hit different.

She asked:
“If you had lived with this challenge your whole life and still had confidence and self-esteem, why did you get the surgery?”
Then she added something personal:
“People teased me too, but I would never have cosmetic surgery.”

That’s when I looked her straight in the eye and said:

“I make decisions for my life. You make decisions for yours.”

This wasn’t attitude. This wasn’t ego. This was clarity.

It was the right decision for my life. It might not have been the right one for her, or for someone else, but it was right for me. The reason I could say that so clearly is because I had already done the hardest part, I had been honest with myself and the shows producers. I told them, “I like myself, I just don’t like my lips.”

Yes, I had learned how to cope with the issue I was born with. I had built confidence in spite of it. But coping for another 29 years wasn’t what I wanted to do if I had another option. I wasn’t going to look the solution in the face and walk away from it just because someone else might not agree with it.

Too many people let outside opinions shape the most personal parts of their lives. We factor in the judgments of people who don’t contribute to our well-being, who don’t support our dreams, or worse. People we don’t even like or who don’t like us. And somehow, their opinion ends up louder than our own.

But let me be clear:
Oprah, or anyone else outside of me, wasn’t a factor in how I made my decision. Not about the show, not about the surgery, and not about any other choice in my life.

So again, today’s Crash Course in Wisdom is this:

“I make decisions for my life. You make decisions for yours.”

It might feel harsh if you’re not used to standing up for yourself. But once you start doing it, their opinion becomes a lot less important and your peace becomes a lot more secure.

This lesson works both ways. Not only do you protect yourself from the weight of other people’s expectations, you also learn to let them make decisions without inserting yourself into their story.

You can offer feedback, advice, or a listening ear. But what someone else chooses to do with their life or their body is not based on what you did or didn’t do in yours. And it shouldn’t be.

People will often try to get you to explain yourself, not because they care about your well-being, but because they want to feel better about their discomfort. That’s not your job.

Your peace doesn’t need public approval. The only person who needs to understand your “why” is you.

And when you do, you can say that phrase, not with attitude, but with confidence:

I make decisions for my life. You make decisions for yours.

Say it when someone tries to shame you.
Say it when someone questions your choices.
Say it when someone doesn’t understand your peace.
Say it when someone tries to use their fear to talk you out of your breakthrough.

Say it until you believe it. Then keep it top of mind.

Because that’s not just a quote.
It’s wisdom.

Next week, I’ll share a Crash Course in how to build that kind of confidence — the kind that keeps you grounded no matter who’s questioning your choices. Part of it might surprise you. The other part might be something you already knew... but stopped doing.

Either way, we’re going there. And I’ll be sure to tell you more about what happens when your grandmother makes you believe that you’re more important than a billionaire.

See you next week.