Part 3 - Michael Jackson and Me: What Plastic Surgery Can’t Fix

Michael Jackson and I have something in common. We’ve both had cosmetic surgery on our face. However, Michael Jackson and I did it for two different reasons and had two different outcomes. Let me explain, in 2004, I became the spokesperson for the ABC show Extreme Makeover. After my appearance, I was asked something pointed:
“Do you think you’ll get addicted to plastic surgery like Michael Jackson did?”

Let’s pause right there.

That question wasn’t really a question. It was a setup — designed to shame me for being a Black woman who dared to have cosmetic surgery and stand tall afterward. What the interviewer didn’t realize is that I had already made peace with my decision. I wasn’t hiding. I wasn’t ashamed. And I wasn’t confused.

My answer was simple:
“No. Michael Jackson was doing external things to fix an internal problem. I had one problem I needed to fix, and I did it. So I’m done.”

She blinked. Surprised. Then followed up with a second question — one she thought would back me into a corner.
But here’s what she didn’t know:
I had read the room. I knew exactly what was happening. She wanted to make me look bad (on national television) for choosing to have cosmetic surgery. But what she didn’t know was this:
I was confident in my choice.
I was clear about why I did it.
I didn’t owe her, or anyone, an apology for making decisions for my life. This is the same thing I told Oprah. I’ll tell you that story next. 

This wasn’t a cry for help. This was a conscious decision. There’s a difference.

Some people try to heal emotional wounds through physical changes. That’s what I believe Michael Jackson was doing. I wasn’t doing that. I wasn’t confused about what needed healing. I knew the one thing I wanted to change, and I made a clear, strategic decision to do it.
And when I was done. And I was done, I didn’t have any other surgery after that.

People project their discomfort with their own appearance, their past, or their trauma onto others. That’s not my burden to carry. And I’ll show you exactly what I mean next week — when I tell you the story of what I said to Oprah Winfrey, who also tried to shame me.

There’s a big difference between performing for approval… and making a decision that makes you feel stronger and more confident. But the Access Hollywood interviewer didn’t stop there. She asked me one more question. 

After I replied that I had one problem that I needed to address and I did…she goes on to ask. Then why did you have all those other procedures done like breast lift, liposuction, and teeth whitening?

Silly question, but I answered it anyway. I said, the show was called “Extreme Makeover,” not itty bitty makeovers. Having the other procedures was a compromise I made to give ABC the television they wanted. I got what I wanted (reconstructive surgery on my lips) and they got what they wanted, a number 1 rated TV show. Yes, my show was the number one rated show. A reported 38 million people watched it and another 38 million in reruns and even more in the international markets.  

That moment stuck with me. It reminded me how quick people are to judge what they don’t understand. But more importantly, it reminded me why I had made my decision with such confidence. I wasn't trying to escape myself, I was trying to honor myself. I was becoming the best version of myself. 

And that’s the difference.

Michael Jackson’s journey, from what I could see, was a series of unconscious decisions to change the outside in an attempt to soothe the inside. But that never works. You can get the new body, the bigger house, the latest bag, the next relationship, and still feel empty. Because you're not fixing the real wound. You're distracting yourself from it.

The Crash Course in Wisdom today is: “Stop doing external things to fix internal problems.” 

Shopping, drinking, smoking, dating, hustling, or whatever your go-to is…those are coping mechanisms. But coping isn’t healing. Only real healing work can bring peace to the pain you’ve buried.

If you’re hurting, slow down. Get honest with yourself. Journal. Pray. Meditate. Hire a mental health professional. Talk to someone you trust. Take your healing seriously, because no one else can do it for you, and no amount of “outside fixes” will fill what’s missing inside.

Next week, I’ll share the full story of what happened when I was asked a similar question on The Oprah Show. That’s when I realized not only was I being judged, but I was also being given a platform. And I knew exactly how I was going to use it. I’ll tell you how I handled it, and the Crash Course in Wisdom I gave Oprah, in the next post.