Art of Starting Over: Feeling Safe While Starting Over

Bronzecomm was started to give the positive stories and events in Chicago light, but overall Chicago has a reputation for being unsafe. From the days of Al Capone to the street gangs of the 70s to the mob action violence happening today there is an element of safety that gets lost. This is true for any big American city and even some small ones.

Whether you live in Los Angeles, New York, Miami, Oakland, Detroit, Atlanta or you name it, you learn to be aware of your surroundings, you keep your personal belongings close, and you walk at a swift pace, especially at night.

Personally I break out in a sprint whenever I have to walk through a viaduct. I don’t care what city I’m in. However, in the last four years I’ve gotten very relaxed. Living outside of the US you learn that not everyone is out to steal your purse, kidnap your child, or break into your home. 

In fact, the crime rate in most of the cities I visit is so low that they don’t dedicate a news segment to it. There’s nothing to tell. If something does happen, it is breaking news.

According to global safety indexes and crime statistics, the United States consistently ranks lower than many Western European and Asian countries in overall safety. Nations like the United Arab Emirates, Malaysia, Monaco, and France often report significantly lower rates of violent crime per capita. 

In some of these places, gun violence is rare. In others, it is almost nonexistent. That changes the rhythm of daily life in ways Americans don’t always realize until they leave.

Living in Nice, France in August 2024 is when I first noticed it, even though it had been happening for two years before I took notice. I’ve been traveling the world with my partner, who is a 6’4” Black man who would mean mug a baby if it looked at me the wrong way, so I always feel safe with him.

But in August 2024 he had to travel back to the US and I wasn’t ready to leave Nice, so I stayed. This was the first time in many years that I was in a foreign country by myself, or in any city for that matter. Men are taught to do things to stay safe, but women are taught twice as many things.

One of those things is to not walk home at night by yourself. But I went to a Whalers concert with some friends who were visiting Nice for the weekend and it went on very late. When it was over we realized they lived in one direction and I lived in the other. They asked if I would be okay and if they should walk me home. 

I laughed and said no, you don’t have to walk me home. Nice is so safe, I’ll be fine.

I had never said those words out loud. I had never felt so sure of them either. I felt comfortable walking home even though it was midnight. I realized I had felt safe for a while now, I just hadn’t put my guard down or taken the chance to admit it. The US safety precautions were still programmed into my brain.

Since then I’ve felt safe in Monaco, Kuala Lumpur, and a few other places that I’ve lived in over the last few years. I feel especially safe here in Dubai and also in Abu Dhabi. In the UAE, violent crime rates are among the lowest in the world. It is common to see children playing outside late in the evening. It is common to see people leave laptops unattended in cafés. That doesn’t mean crime never happens, but it is not the background noise of daily life.

I’m not sure what it is. Why is America so unsafe and so many other countries have found a way to keep each city safe? There are places we’ve gone where I did not feel safe, and you can sense it almost immediately. There is an energy in the air that feels tense. My USA training goes into overdrive.

But in the cities where I’ve felt safe, there is a different kind of order. There are clear consequences for crime. There are visible security measures. There is a cultural expectation that public spaces are shared and respected.

I tell a few stories on my podcast about how things have gotten left behind but later found in the exact same spot. A cell phone left on a park bench. A gold necklace dropped on the floor. A bicycle leaned against a tree in a park, totally unattended. I’ve even noticed that people and places will leave furniture out all night and nobody will bother it. 

They don’t think anything of it. It’s not only common, but it’s normal. We wouldn’t even think of doing anything like that in the US. If we did the chair would be chained to a poll that was cemented in place. And even still the chair may not be there in the morning.

It’s like they trust each other. They respect each other. More importantly, they respect themselves and their own integrity. The same way you and I know better than to drive off in someone else’s car just because they left it running. We might think it’s strange. We might worry for them. But we would never do it.

Well, there are places where people like you and I are the majority. Where that mindset is normal. Where public safety is not a debate but a baseline expectation. When that becomes the norm, your nervous system adjusts. You are not constantly scanning. You are not calculating exit strategies. You are not gripping your purse or clutching your keys between your fingers.

And that matters when you are starting over.

Starting over is already mentally demanding. You are making new decisions. You are building new routines. You are meeting new people. If you add constant vigilance on top of that, your body never fully rests. Chronic stress has been linked to higher rates of anxiety, sleep disruption, and even long-term health conditions. When you live in an environment where you feel physically safe, one layer of stress is removed automatically.

Starting over is much easier when you find a place where you feel safe. It reduces the layers of stress, the number of decisions you have to make, and the rest you get at night feels different. Deeper. Cleaner. The city you live in, the people you live around, and the expectations you have for what’s possible begin to shift.

You may not decide to move across the world. You may not want to start over in another country. But it could be worth spending a month, or even 90 days, somewhere that allows your body to experience a different baseline. United States citizens can enter many countries on a 90-day visitor visa. That is long enough to notice how your shoulders feel. How you walk at night. How you sleep.

We have been programmed to believe that high alert is normal. That scanning for danger is maturity. That violence is just part of life in a major city. But that is not universally true. There are places where safety is ordinary.

And when you experience ordinary safety, you start to rethink what you are willing to tolerate.

Starting over is not just about changing jobs, relationships, or cities. Sometimes it is about changing environments so your nervous system can reset. When your body feels safe, your mind has more room to think clearly. And clarity makes every other decision easier.